Off the Shelf Media

Have you ever played a video game and go, “man, I wish I could do this in real life?” Of course you have! Who hasn’t? It’s part of the magic and mystique of video games. You get to do things you can’t do in real life. (And if you’re the Scenic Gamer, you get to at least see those views in real life). 

Today, I’m taking a look at five game mechanics I wish were real. They are in no particular order or ranked in any way. I took a practical look at what would make my life better. There are no superpowers or hyper-unrealistic things like hiding behind a coroner to escape the cops. 

I’m a simple man looking for quality upgrades to everyday life. 

Random Loot

Who doesn’t love loot? You’re walking down the street and see a giant box or chest, open it and BAM! You get a sandwich or a few dollars for your troubles. 

Loot is a key feature of most games, from Super Mario with his power-ups to The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim with enchanted weapons or magical items. Loot in games usually means extra cash, consumable items, or gear you can equip or sell for extra funds. It’s truly the backbone of in-game economies. 

Loot is often given as a reward. Complete a quest, get some loot. Run an errand for your local freeloader, and get gifted with loot. Save the world from the most evil being in existence, you guessed it: loot. 

So, how would this work in the real world? I like the idea of loot as a reward. Did you get the highest grade on the math test? You get a nice hat with a blue feather, so everyone knows how smart you are. Your client gave you a 5-star review after your contract ended? An extra $1000 reward. 

I also love the idea of random loot spread around the world. Sure, you may look weird creeping around the bushes at the park, but finding the rare boots that Reddit said were there is 100% worth the suspicion. 

Let’s not forget the gifts. Loot can also be regifted. Say you found a random bottle of wine by the bus station. Give it to your girlfriend, wife, or insert type of partner here. Not only did it save you some coin, but you have a happy partner. Who knows? Maybe they’ll return the favor. Imagine your wife gives you a blanket with a boot of +5 comfort with a side effect of warmth. 

There are some downsides to this mechanic, and that’s corporate greed. If this were real, you know exactly where this would go. Say it with me now…loot boxes. You’re at the mall, and instead of a soda or snack machine, it’s going to be a loot box machine. Will you get a Sprite or an iced tea? Who knows, but since there are coins spread out across the entire world, it will be $100 and a roll of the dice. 

I’ll still take the positives with the negatives because I can ignore loot boxes in the virtual world, so the real world wouldn’t be that much of a challenge.

Cheat Codes 

Ok, I’m cheating here a little bit with this one. Technically, this can be supernatural, but it’s a cheat code, so I’m cheating my own rules, which is the whole point of the mechanic. 

The art of the cheat code is lost in modern video games. I was playing The Lord of the Rings PS2 games recently, and when you beat the game, you unlock cheat codes. They include Restore Health, Perfect Mode, All Upgrades, Infinite Ammo, and Invulnerability. 

Obviously, restoring health is a big one. Are you sick? Not anymore. Grab a controller, and hit Square, Square, Circle, Circle, and you’re good. No doctor’s office. No insurance deductibles, no missing work, no hassle of being sick. 

The money cheat from The Sims is an easy one. Who doesn’t want easy money? No more student loans for me. I’m going to buy the biggest house I can find and retire at 30. 

Big head mode and small head mode are another classic I would love to try out for a day. Imagine walking into a grocery store and making everyone’s head, including your own, twice the size. Or you’re sitting down for Thanksgiving dinner, and your uncle has already had one too many, but not anymore. Now his head is too small, and he can’t put the beer bottle to his lips. It’s a gag that would never get old. 

The GTA cheat codes would be a bit excessive. I don’t think summoning an arsenal or guns by calling a phone number would be a good idea, but controlling the weather would be awesome. 

The one caveat I have to add is that I’m the only one who can use these cheats. I’m the main character in my video game called Life, so I have all the power. If everyone could use the money cheat, then we wouldn’t have an economy. We’d have hyperinflation, and don’t get me started on big head mode. Everyone would go back and forth from big head to little head, to regular head; it would lead to everyone’s heads exploding. 

Different Camera Angles

I love it when a game lets you switch from first person to third person. Some games are side scrollers, while others are top-down games. Then you have the real-time strategy (RTS) games where you’re looking at the map, can move around freely, zoom in and out, rotate the camera, and point and click where you want your characters to go. 

That’s what I want. I want to be able to freely move my camera around and get a full view of my surroundings just to see what it’s like. 

Does my outfit look stupid from the back? Let me check. Want a better picture of the beach at sunset? Go into third person and zoom out to get the full view. In another life, I could be a quarterback and want a better view of the field. I’m going top down to get a full view of the field and get that touchdown. 

Maybe I’ll do a few days as a Sims character. Live my life pointing and clicking my way through town as I go to the park, see a movie, or stay home and learn a new skill. 

The most practical use would be driving. Mirrors have blind spots, but if you could zoom out and drive in third person and view the full car from behind, it would make driving a whole lot safer. Imagine cruising down the highway with a great view of a city skyline or a mountain range. Turn that camera into a side scroller and enjoy the view. Take it and appreciate the beauty of life. 

The opportunity here is to live life and view it from different angles. Maybe it would be a gimmick, and I’d go back to the default first person after a while. Who knows, but I want to try it out and see for myself. 

Load a Previous Save

This is the closest I’ll get to time travel. I didn’t want to do fast travel or a waiting mechanic because I don’t want to shorten my lifespan. Yeah, I can get from New York to Boston in seconds, but time still moves forward in the game. It still takes four plus hours to go from point A to point B. I’d rather live and experience those four hours than sit on a loading screen and watch my life pass me by. 

Loading a previous save adds time to your life. It’s going back to relive a moment. 

Who doesn’t want to go back and fix a mistake or relive one of their childhood memories? 

Some things to consider with this one:

1. When you go back, do you have the experience and knowledge from your previous save? 

I’m going to say yes. If I want to replay a mission where I have two choices to make, I reload and know the first choice, and the point is to choose the second one. 

2. Can you change the original outcome? 

I’m going to say yes again. It’s not the episode of Black Mirror where you rewatch memories. This is a video game where the whole point is to try again or do something else. If I were in high school, I’d do a quick save before a test. If I did terrible, I’d go back and take it again. Or if I had a terrible first date and I wanted to give it another shot, there you go. Now you have a second chance. 

That doesn’t mean you can’t relive memories, but you’d better hope you do the same thing twice if that’s the case. 

My childhood memory goes back to when I was 12 years old on the pitcher’s mound in the championship game. It was a 3-2 count in the bottom of the sixth inning. One out to go, and we were champions. I threw the ball as hard as I could. To be fair, it was a ball, but the umpire called it a strike. Game over. We won. I pumped my fist and gave a good celebratory “YEAH” as my team swarmed me on the mound. 

3. Does loading a previous save change anything in the original save?

Nope. It creates an alternate reality just like it would in video games. Let’s say a friend called me with tickets to a monster truck rally, but I couldn’t go because it was my aunt’s 70th birthday. I could do my duty to my family, but once that’s done, load the previous save and go to the monster trucks. If your family gets mad, just load the save again where you went to the party, and you’re good to go. It’s a true best of both worlds scenario.

The Double Jump

The final mechanic on my list is the double jump. I always thought the double jump was one of the coolest mechanics in video games. It was popular with platformers like Sly Cooper, Jak and Daxter, and Ratchet & Clank in the early 2000s, and ever since then, I’ve always wanted to do it. 

There’s a ceiling fan with a broken chain in my apartment that I can’t reach, even if I stand on a chair. If I had the double jump, it wouldn’t be a problem. It would be a great party trick, too. Oh, you think you can jump high, watch this. And then I double-jump, do a backflip, and blow their minds. 

That’s all I have for this one. It would be a cool trick that defies physics that serves no purpose other than being cool. It really serves no purpose in video games other than creating a slightly more difficult world for the player. 

This list was harder to put together than I originally thought. It turns out real life is a lot more like video games than I ever imagined.

We do have a skill tree if you think about it. 

Your intelligence can be increased by reading books. 

Your strength can be increased by hitting the gym. 

You gain experience by doing everyday tasks. It’s called living life. 

We have an inventory management system. It’s called being organized. 

There is a crafting system in real life, it’s called a trade. 

Mini maps and regular maps already exist. It’s called GPS. 

A quest log also exists. It’s called a to-do list. 

Same with inventory weight management, reputation systems, the nemesis system, mini-games, companions, and selling junk to merchants. 

I wanted game mechanics we don’t have in the real world, and would make life easier or cooler. What would you add or take from this list? Tell me what I got right and where I’m a moron. 

I’ll see ya there, but until then, y’all take care.